I used to...

wonder why my life was so peaceful
so uneventful
i didn't really feel like i was living...
there were no ups or downs,
just being.

immerse myself in the tv
savouring the excitement and drama of would be lives...
allowing myself to feel as tho i was part of their existence
and wanting so much to actually feel something in my real life.

fantasize different lives for myself
based mostly on my fav tv serials...
or lose myself in books i consume day after day
reenacting parts i love, make-believing...

everyone else had their real lives
and were too busy to pay attention
and i didn't want any attention anyways,
i was fine alone.

Now...
I wish 2b back to that cocoon of oblivion...
to not feel or want anything...
to be able to fulfil my emptiness myself as i had b4.
2b free from wanting and needing of others.
just me.