Wat made me think

THIS TIME WOULD BE DIFFERENT!!

Doc : "Where does it hurt?"

Me : "Everywhere."

Doc : (thinks -- arrgh, not again!! Idiot!) "Erhem (clears throat)... can you be more specific? When did it start?"

Me : "About 2 weeks ago..."

Doc : (exasperated) "And..."

Me : "..."

Doc : "sighs... ok give me a brief Hx of the past 2 weeks."

Me : "OK -- u asked for it."


Two-Week HisTOrY...
Let's see, it started being stood up for lunch. Yep - waited frelling 45min at least, Smsed many times... Oh well, gotta leave for singing. It's ok, blah blah -- i understand the clinic can get rather busy and crazy unexpectedly.
MONDAY STINKS.
I felt the 1st signs then, You know, like a little cracking?
My mind says... ignore it... it'll go away. Work gets crazy, u shld know... yup yup, i know. Ok, let it go.
"phew thot u mad.. haha"
"WATEVER" -- it's not in your nature to be apologetic past 30sec. I accept.

Wed - MURDER she Wrote. See everyone in HELL.
Let's see... FOUR out of FIVE CRITICAL never-seen b4 cases shoved in my face. ok, i'm so sorry for my 10am consult... go have brekky and hopefully i get to see u before lunch.

Thurs... Do i even care wat goes on after ystdy? Does anyone else?
Gets emotionally pummelled. Am so not prepared.

Thurs/Fri - My minds whirls... one day is very much like the other...
I seek solace. And get haulded up several hundreds of steps. Sure it's good for health if you have NORMAL knees!!! Frell, some consideration after repeated attempts of reminding previously wld be expected in normal scenarios. I take the stairs at times for your convenience does not mean my knees are better. I salsa out of necessity for my sanity, not the 1st choice. U know all THIS!! Yet - frell the extra 5min it'd take to run the car down the slope... nope. Too much EFFORT!!
FINE, i unDErStAnd -- F**k I don't!!

Sat - The storm is building in my horizon... I feel the stinging raindrops within. Where's everyone? What support? And the ONE request EVER -- come watch salsa at sentosa...?
Can't, gotta work. Crushed, but understands -- work takes precendence OVER EVERYTHING!! So shall we watch "Chaos"? -- nah, dun feel like... how about "Cars"?
Hmm... i thot prev u didn't want to? ok ok watever to get your butt motivated.

As I hurried from one performance to another... Accompanied by a surprise buddy...
"Beep" = late nite at Tangs!
But movie is at Marina or wanna cancel? Arrgh.... ok whichever more convenient for YOU.
Fireflies... "Beep" = too tired blah blah blah...
Forget it. Minimum effort, minimum output. I should learn.

Down in the doldrums...
Have faith! U can do... (SHUT UP and GET OUT OF MY FACE!!)

Stinking Mon -- best to stay in bed.
Lost Esprit coat. Security pp will cause everyone's death in a crisis by following procedure to the T!! I LOST A COAT, yes it's one week ago. No it's not valuable, but it's MINE and it's NEW! Ok we'll wait for the form to arrive but 1st tell me who were u with that nite... (blinks in disbelief - wat your JOB soo boring u have to be KPO!!!!)
Nice helpful ladies, excellent service at Subway and Esprit. Yeah -- more presents for pp and new coat again :)

Tues -- Dinner in town or Holland?? Can't not dressed for it, must give advance warning... blah blah... U win. I lose. I just needed a friend. Not free - watching superman...
The storm clouds break thru... resistance crumbles. It's happening AGAIN. NO no no....
STOP stop. HELP... cold war loses -- sms : help me.
Deal with it yourself. Long walks...
All i need is a step... ONe right step off... F**k sanity and guilt.
As violently as it came, the storm moved off. Hollowed be my name.
TV be my comfort and hold me in oblivion forever. Take me with you.

Wed -- postpone dinner got dance reh. ok.
Come for dinner but we've got no food. Get your own.
WAT!!! I feel beseiged. Calm down, it is happening. Step aside let it pass. Expectations causes pain. Have none. Survive. Be nothing.
Doodling with ER comfort heals. The symptoms are gone temporarily.

Friday I have THE CAKE
-- Remind me never to ever get hopes up or even BOTHER to try get pp tog. Sure lets go -- is NOT A DEFINITIVE. Consideration of effort put in to get EVERYONE going -- no big deal, flush it down the toilet if you want. We can always do it again... WITHOUT ME pls.
Disappointment is part of life -- the WHOLE PART.
'Are u dead yet' is a good greeting. Clueless is the key. Fuming gets u worked up while everyone else is in oblivion. Be like them... clueless. Why care so much. Sure, your opinion & welfare matter... when it's convenient. So does your heart... when it suits the occasion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me : "So Doc, what's the cure."

Doc : "..."

Me : "U are FIRED."

b4 i sleep...

For some Crazy DooDles…
Check out HUMAN REMAINS
If u dunno how….
THINK HARDER!!
Off to zzz…
There must be an easier and faster way to blog.

A Treasure Discovered...

Finally I can name my favourite book and this is it.

A simple, healing story for the broken pieces.

"Someone will come for you."

Believe me.

Love me.

a step is all it takes...

off the kerb
at the exact moment
oblivion...

off into space
spiralling...
oblivion forever

trounce the boundaries of humanity
guilt
responsibility
why do we still cling onto these fallacies

a bolt from Zeus
a stir with Poisedon's fork
Hephaestus's burp...
a simplicity

it is not of choice
the existence
but it can be of choice
to end it

some are meant to go on
some are meant to never be
and
some are just meant to be extinguished

faith has no say in it all
faith is for the pure and innocent...
the foolish hopefuls.

faith
is
not
for
me.

Cake frenzy!!!

This weekend : Wassenburg! So it was Ralph and Justyna's wedding :) :) :)

Arrived finally after all sorts of delays (plane, trains, busses sigh!). Ohohoh... small towns in Germany... there was no train connection to Wassenburg, the next bus is in 45 minutes (my god!) for a bus ride of 20 minutes?!?

sigh... went to the florist (!! never get flowers for weddings, the couple has so many flowers for the reception, the house is like a florist after the wedding... so another bouquet definitely will not find a vase)... lovely ... you can go in like the good old days in aachen... I want a bouquet, around 10euros ... for the parents... No questions asked, they do a beautiful job!

everyone's aound on bicycles (no wonder, the buses come hourly!)...

Oh OH So Ralph's dad has 9 other siblings... teh tradition for family festivals is, that everyone has to bring a cake :).. so we had at least 20 cakes, each better than the one before :) ... sigh... We should have this in singapore! Or amongst friends for gatherings. ... (Except, of course, i cant bake :( )...

unexpected gifts...

PREY
HUNTING!!

Sweet innocent girl ------>

undigested sparrow remains...

(not for the faint hearted)

10pm.. 1am, sometimes 2am...

she enters with a singularly characteristic high-pitched meowing
announcing the arrival of yet another unsuspecting "gift"

tonite's -- a petrified frog (treefrog?)
(at least they are more interesting and visually aesthetic then her usual lizard horde...)
with its bulbous toes tucked tightly under its immobile body
it looked almost a replica...
no sign of external injury but decided not to keep it
despite a request from a frog-loving fren...
it seemed too much in my-life-is-flashing shock and may not survive the nite encaptured.
satisfied that my inspection yielded a pulsing jugular... i realeased it under a wad of tissue...
unlike the previous one, this one looked more slimey than i'd like to handle at this time of nite.

my manja attention seeking, yet fiesty princess
3rd female in the existing menangerie
apt in inserting herself in the local neighbourhood scrapes
frequently emerging w various puncture wounds
so much so that i think the leuk risk outweighs its fibrosar partner
and i was right to booster her then...
(which reminds me... might need a reboostering...)
unfortunately the immuno virus is just as prevalent
wat to do -- price of a carefree social life.

oh well, at least tonite intervention happened before a mushy-OMG-under the foot mess took place... so all's well that ends well.
stay tuned for the perpetrator's photo once i get my dig cam!!
i did so want the frog's pic tonite.

song for the nite...

i'm so sad i could drown.

north south east west -- all in a NIGHT

2pm - ARCC - for quick chitchat and passing stuff to pp
- ended up getting poop on finger ~~ darn smell lingers despite many applications of esemtan, bleach and even tablecleaner...

home... inspiration
3pm - packed grapes, one intact sweet potato, a btl of diluted elderflower cordial...
- enrouted to NUH Kent Ridge wing (?)
- person MIA & HPless... dang...
- left offerings on chair, left

5:45pm - Ling called : u still going this evening?
Me : yup, meet u at harbour front later...

6pm - AHHHHhhhh, running LATE!! SMS : Cabbing to Harbourfront, meet u in 20min.

6:30pm - tick tock tick tock...
6:45pm - LIng appears... cabs to sentosa...
7:10pm - LOST in sentosa with super kangeong cab driver...
7:30pm - Arrived at destination : Palawan Beach, after tracking some hundred metres from
Tanjong beach. Why can't they make everything connected and accesible by ROAD!!
Hurries to salsa music in the distance....
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK....

Ok - nothing happens on time here... shouldn't have hurried!!

8+++PM - finally the salsa competition - HURRAY!!!
Sam & Bernard; Luther & GF; Barry & Berz
Spotted her. Huh she smokes? Oh it's just a prop.
They super rock!!! Inspires the left footers to practice more religiously.
Dang the lack of a video cam or even a camera!!! arrfghhh...

8:30pm - Hiked up the road w Ling... shuttle bus.. Blue line.
Ginormous Q ho humzzz.... googley eyed baby... Even longer Q at the main bus-stop to Harbourfront...

9:30pm - HarbourFront MRT, yeah we made it!!! Esplande here i come.
Phone call, Twin : huh u missed the performance!! how could u!!
Me (super guilty) : sorry sorry, on the way to your UV one liao... coming!!

9:55pm - Alighted at wrong stop (Raffles pl) -- arrghh... reboarded next train...
10:10pm - Sigh of relief... squinting over shoulders... Esplanade Outdoor Amphi

10:15pm - Fireflies & Divine... WOWOW!!! Vivid neon colours glowing in the uv lights... the cheerful multicoloured glow sticks twirling... the glowinthe dark balls suspended in soft blue cloth... the swish swish swish of them soft clothed flags...
Surreal multicoloured figures... a real dreamscape. Loved it.

10:45pm - said hi to Twin who says : wat only u?? so much for support...
i sense a twinge of disappointment... dang. his last performance with fireflies. sad.
Bought myself a handmade practice poi by the fireflies...
Received SMS : too tired blah blah...
Oh watever -- it's not the 1st time i've been stood up, let down.... frell it.

11:15pm - BUS 77, on the way home. Mixed feelings... accomplishment of gan-ing to both performances. Abit guilty not catching his earlier fire one... Disappointed in pp once again. Am i the only one putting in the effort all the time, for all the pp i care about. Why can't i get to do the things that i want for once and why can't u accompany me? Even my gifts, u dun even wanna get wat i want...? Oh forget it. There's no way of changing anyone, why bother. Just fated to always be the one who runs around, making the effort, doing the things.

For once, just once, why can't someone else do it.
I'm tired of being taken for granted.

11:45pm - "Becos of u".. in my earphones… now I know why the fad… cool nite breeze, good song… brings out and unwraps poi… swish swish swish all the way home.
Pepper come… oh wimpy love, not keen for a midnite walk. Sigh….swish swish poi in the front garden

12:45am - ONline... yeah the pp i expect online are. Surprise is Twiisti. And as i expected and was waiting for... Berz popped up. Din dare ask her how was the comp... tried sending her a french song but Twiisti says may hv virus so had to abort. oh well.
Nite nite everyone -- sleep well.
There's always the next competition. And the next life to look fwd to...
No more running around anyone else.

Super DOWN :( Boo hoo hoo...

Sorry for the inconvenience. Naruto-Kun is under attack by hackers. IPs are logged, and given to our host. If you want someone to blame, blame 4chan. They were also dumb enough to delete some records in the database so tracing should be difficult. (being sarcastic)

ARGH>>> WHAT am I going to do now :(.... there is only one true love!!

uPs & dOwnS...

UPS
Once again my Saturday rocks!!! My favouritest dance teacher is teaching once again -- at Henderson CC. Started this month and last sat was the 1st sat off work for me - yeah!!! Just watching the class with my wretched knees is eunff to fill my bubble of happiness. Blissful sigh... it feels so good to be back at dance, even sitting watching can "zing" up your happy mood. Am super tempted to attend the next class but i shall heed Karen's advice of "to rest is so that u can undertake a longer journey" -- so profound and apt. So i shall be patient and be satisfied with weekly salsa for now.
ahhh... the feeling of bliss is indescribable after such a long dance drought... sigh....
so happy happy happy!! love Berz's classes!!

Plus me and Max had a super shopping trip in the evening which pretty much used up most of my reserves for the month... but it was worthed it. Esp to see her in those funky orange heels... to check each other out across the fitting rooms... to pick any clothes u fancy and lug them all into the room just for a dress up party -- yeah!! That's what's shopping with G-frens are all about!!! Just like in stories. Therapeutic, bonding fun, intelectually & visually stimulating, and the best of all -- buying more STUFF!! ah-hahaha!!



DOWNS
Original













Lousy Attempt

Today sucks...

no lunch... 1/2 apple...

singing was boring... repetitive...
tight throat and annoying cough made it worse initially...
but i guess hoarsing it finally won over -- throat loosened up at the end
boring song...
next new song wld be a hokkien one -- wld take forever to learn this one, can't even read the words man. but it should be challenging.

water colour class -- absolultely do not choose to paint from photos...
there're only pics of flowers.. endless flowers... or some kampong scenery!!
flowers are not everyone's fav FGS!!!
could things get any more BORING!!
finally chose a dilapidated house pic -- huge mistake -- super tedious... dunno how to draw the tree... and the teacher says she'll only do the tree for me last.
sigh.... next week i should heed my fever instincts and stay home.

Oh yes, to top the beautiful day -- undulating fever for the 2nd day.
should i be so lucky to get my death wish of dengue....
man oh man

Last monday rocked.
this monday sure balanced the euphoria out!!
ding dong bell as such.

ENTs

POSE at JING JING's!!


Our brief food gathering happened about 2 weeks ago somewhere in Chinatown...
Started with meeting at Chinatown MRT - the "new" NEL - which I can claim almost nil experience and knowledge of...
Of course i was LATE... (er overslept...)
nevertheless when i was finally found by Yx (hmm forgot the name of the st liao... anyways the dim sum place was just outside of the chinatown bldg w the market...), they were still in the midst of stuffing their faces... (ok i exaggerate -- everyone had juz finished round 2 -- ding ding!!)... and had considerately left me a sampling of what they've had. Apparently Clare had a hearty appetite.

Starting around the table was Lynnette, then Jinpei, Clare's bf (sorry forgot name), Clare herself -- chattering happily away as usual.. and Yx. I planted myself in a safe spot - btwn Lyn and Yx. Food was rather yummy -- (enhanced by hunger pangs...). Conversation was huddled despite ear-straining efforts...split bwtn 2 halves of the table, with the occasional ax the table comments... took too much effort for the words to penetrate the noisey surrounds.

Was better as we made our way to the next destination, pausing occasionally to view stone lions, pondering if they were worth their weight in gold.... while Lyn and Yx discussed student behavior at weddings... We finally settled on Jing Jing dessert store -- being the only one in near sight anyway.

The variety was interesting and tasted better than expected. Jinn had the coconut ice-cream thing in a coconut husk -- excellent and creamy. Clare had some wheatgrass jelly thing -- good if u want something not too sweet. Lynn had the walnut pasty soup with the non-seasame ah balling... Yx a coffee/choc/brandy jelly thing w had potent coffee flav to make up for the lack of brandy... n i had a mango/pomelo combi w is always yummy. The peculiar thing was, i think my scoop of ice-cream was durian flavoured w blended unexpectedly well with everything.

And so the conversation flowed from runaway animals along the airport runways... shld students be invited to weddings... music students who are tone deaf... grafting and marcottiing.. the dumbcane plant and some flower...
One conclusion -- Clare has the memory of an elephant!! Trust her to remember all the Pri sch stuff!!

It was a nite i'm glad i didn't miss... some gatherings are guaranteed to always be interesting :)

World Cup Frenzy

Being 1 hour away from the country that hosts the World Cup, and being surrounded by germans who want their country to win, here is my mustard to the entire.

The prematches before the 8ths are not really enjoyable, since ties are allowed.

When switzerland is playing, the streets are erriely empty, like on a very early sunday morning.

When the matches are on, esp of "interesting" countries, the trams and restaurants are filled with predominantly women (lets say, 90% is not a exaggerated estimate). Of course, by restaurants, I mean places where they dont have tv tuned in to the World Cup.

Finally, yesterday I tuned in to the match at the last minute, just interested to see the score (germany vs poland)... I was quite accurate 90:24 was the time I tuned in. The score was at 0:0 with 3 minutes extra play time. And.. I caught the only goal, LIVE, at the 91:?? minute :)... and Germany won. So now, I can talk along as had I watched the entire match ... cool huh?

Oh, and all other tv programs are trynig to fight for ratings from the WC. Bleach's release was funny, they were begging viewers to watch Bleach instead of WC...

Of course, the japanese team looks like it is not going through anyways :).

Ass-ache

In the height of "i am so fit", Julian and I went on a cycle trip on Sunday, round Greifensee....

Rented bicycles and cycled from oerlikon to greifen see.. the path there was ok, we have done it, but this time we thought we would just might as well cycle round the see. So I am a super chicken, this trip is all flat with no climbs :) and we did it all in 4 hours...

There were lots and lots of sailing boats on the lake, it looked really lovely. We stopped to watch a group set up their boat, but they took too long with the sails, so we ditched them to find Bratwurst for lunch :). Everyone was BBQing with the fires from wood !!! (sigh...)

the day was fantastic, should have brought a hat along though... will place a pictures when JLor sends them to me.

Well, now my ass is aching like crazy, but we were very successful with 11 helpings of icecream (11 Kugeln/Balls)... :) between the two of us... :)

Aiyah, next time, princess, you should come in summer/autumn, we go wild with BBQ and cycling :)

a MAY day of MAdNess!!

Rather Belated...
Irresistible to posting...
For where better to exhibit the CrAZiNess
then to the PUBLIC!!

A Poem

Have been meaning to blog this 2 weeks ago when i 1st read it...
and it touched a cord...
Enclosed in an email...
written by a faraway fren... one of her ongoing "life poems".
I present -- Clare Eng.
And a pic i had done prev which seems to suit the mood.






















I used to think
that since I never had nightmares,
then I would never have them;
until I realised one day
that I was living in a one.
Not so now,
and please God,
never again.

I thought I awoke
that the nightmare was behind me
I thought I was now strong and prepared
yet little did I know
that fools' bravery would leave my softest spot wide open
and even less did I expect
that it would be your turn one day to make me your shooting practice.
It is a slow death
and pain unravels slowly
inch by inch
day by day.

The terrible rays of freedom
dazzles and tears the eyes
the reins! the wheels!
burn blistering paths in palm and cloud
Who can divine Minerva's carven thoughts?

a DaY in ThE LiFe

First is to say "HI" to Jaime if you're reading this!!!
Just abit of fun and sharing -- join in if u like k.
No nonsense too small for this blog -- haha!!

Anyways...
Had an exciting day ystdy -- u can say "A whole New World"
Before I begin -- no one, absolutely NO ONE reading this is allowed to laugh ok...
Esp ARC pp and keep it to yourself...

erm -hem...
so back to ystdy...
Finally recovered from the horrid flu which had my nose and upper lip skin peely & red from constant honking into the not too soft tissue...
Turned up for my CC classes...

After my usual lunch with Max...
Managed to turn up unlost and on time for my 1st recreational kareoke session thingy...
No giggling people!!!

So it starts out as...
"Hi may I know where..."
"4thy floor function room... take the lift up..."
So far so good...
Peeped into the room, slightly tacchycardic from anticipation...
"OMG!! OMG!!"
Gathering up wat's left of my courage... enters gingerly and says "Hi I've just signed up..."
And all the Aunties said Hi....
Gua gua gua...
But it turned out to be tremendously fun for some reason.
Probably the novelty of it, the nervous excitement mingled with the joy of singing.... the pleasant experience and welcum... them aunties are sure a nice friendly bunch who are super on about yoddling. They even organise kareoke sessions outside class!
On the whole -- I found myself waking up this am happy and looking fwd to the next monday's session (thou the songs are abit erm...erm...soppy sometimes la).

That nite... after getting lost due to construction NOT shown on the street directory...
I realised that Tanjong Pagar CC is actually just behind Keppel Tower (our Rockwall climbing haunt). So with the same feeling of entering unknow territory... and running late... I repeated the "Excuse me.. can u direct me to..."
"Room 02-02"
Entered a room bustling with pp who all knew what they were doing...
Took another 3min before I ID-ed the teacher (who actually blends in with everyone else...) and another 2min before she understood my mumbles of "1st time here... was sic last wk..."
And then she pointed vaguely to a vase of sunflowers , a vase ordained with rambutans... yet another vase with a lonesome lily (what's with the vase theme)... lastly to some paintings which she mumbled unintelligibly about photo painting...blah..
I figured that I was supp to choose one option and try to find a spot to paint it...
Ok.
Easels...??!!! hmmm... One kind soul finally took pity on my bewilderedness and explained how I was to take the frame and 2 boards to assemble things.
15min later... I got my masking tape and taped my mini paper to the board.
10min later... finished sketching outline... looked around, teacher busy...
5min later.. "No no, u only fill in the rambutan fur later... now u can start painting..."
Ohhhhhh.......
Wa man -- painting is hard work and tiring...
Not much guidance... "your vase is too green... add more brown..."
"oh no no, details last... do the shadows 1st..." (ohhhhh...)
1.5hours later... when everyone's busy washing their brushes...
"ah the vase not bad... but mix some red and green for the fur, more realistic... so u go home add the background and more fur on the rambutans k.. bring back next week ya."

Key to this class... keep your ears open... "must wet the paper 1st..." (oh sei...)

Key to water colouring... smooth strokes, no pencil shading method... test on tissue 1st... to pain white with no white paint -- just use your slightly colour tinged water -- nice effect.
Water is the key to nice soft colours. Colours must be transparent, not thick like poster paint.

I love art but painting is much harder work than my usual doodling. Needs concentration and focus. Almost like reading notes man. Quite surprised with the end product... haven't painted in more than 10years!! Even then they usually sucked.

All in all... it was a good monday. A day that I've haven't felt in a while of having accomplished something. I really miss my dance (due to bad knees and back -- recuperating for now), but other stuff can be fun as well. New pp, new environment... being the youngest again, no responsibilities, getting taught to... ahhhh...... it's darn SHIOK!!! Students are really lucky.

THE END
Moral of the story -- it's up to u to spice up your own life. Dun be afraid to try new things, esp things that u've been moaning interest about. JUST DO IT!! WHY WAIT!
Work is to earn enuff to support your interests & play :)

PS. I've watched Naruto till Eps 141 oredi!!! Yippee!! Got anymore not?? DVD dun have yet...