Storm

Wat gets destroyed if the storm is invisible
Wat cuts are there if the shards are not seen
Wat causes your world to collapse and walls to squeeze so tight
Only tears are visible?

A whirlwind of flakes
Swirling turmoil, hurt and anger
All unseen
Unsaid...
Unheard.

Yet...
so cold

so
so
cold.

Wat's left can only
shatter
and
freeze.

Motion-less
encompassing
chaos.

I wish

I wish
I knew how to stop it

and I wish
I knew how to let it go.

STOP

stop WALLOWING!!!
And death is not an excuse u should look for!

If u think this is not wat u should be
this is not the way u should behave
things can be better
and are worth fighting for......?

Do it.

Fight for it.
Good things do fall into your lap once in a while
but u've gotta work for it,
fight for it,
to make things work and last.

Death is not a tool for one to wallow in
or view lightly.
Death is the end...
Here at least.

Upon death is when u should look back
and say...
yes this is my life
the way i've always wanted it to be.

Fight to find your better self
the self u admire in others
for only if u truly want it
can u ever achieve it.

Dun ever stop.
U can always be better.
If it fails this time, try again.
It is only when u stop believing do u really fail.

I deserve...

How much more is there to break?
How much more do i break myself?
If only i was made otherwise
If only i was sane

How much is nurture or nature
How much is changeable, how much not
How much should someone expect...?
Probably not much.
Probably nothing.

Expect nothing
There is nothing i can give.
Is that an excuse for bad behaviour?

I wanted to be a better person...
Scoffs at self...
As if.

This is wallowing.
Wat's new.
I wallow
I contemplate
I wallow some more.

What can i do to stop this?
What else can i tell myself?
What the F*** can i do to stop self destruction and hx from repeating itself?

Fluctuating btwn death wishing and self reproach
Fluctating btwn self motivation and self-doom
Perhaps i should accept my fate
But is it an excuse for bad behaviour?

Death is most welcomed
Oblivion
Peace
Nothingness
No self

No self...?
Is this the key?
The key to all.

quirks

Some random thoughts of the week ...

Last week, I thought, hey, winter aint that bad, it's ok. But that was until this week, when it started storming...
At least now it is snowing (which is better than than slush coming down).

Then, I felt a pang of jealousy, that my boss goes home to a warm meal prepared by his wife every day... Realized that I havent gone home to a warm meal (ready to eat), for ages... It hits one harder esp that it is this cold. I miss warm meals at home.

But to make up for all the miseries, I decided to do some internet shopping... and got myself a subscription to science (it was discounted!!)

So all in all, life goes on :)

Sticks and stones...

Spirals are circles without
beginnings
and endings

The whirlwind catches
mercilessly
dashes

All in its way
smashes
crashes

Sticks and stones
Words and actions

Wordless

Powerless

Emptiness

Reiki Weekend!!

~Reiki Diary~
Day 1
**Session : Green upon atunement, Purple own?, Blue - others?
**Exercise : Fell asleep at 3rd position. Woke up to finish the rest. Work up very early am and felt re-energised. Fatigue had disappeared!!

Day 2
** Session : Felt more giving than receiving. Nearly dozed off giving. Saw glow around hands and body. Receiver - had smell sensation! Intuition - felt back relax. Nice. Dozy too.
**Post-session : Charged HP batt by ONE bar!!!! Cool!!
**Cats & Pepper (dog):
"Kitty Bitty" (the usu crazy cat) - meowed at me from the roof and came to sniff my hands civilly!
"Mozart" - was very quiet (for once!) and came over for rubs. Didn't like hands on body. But promptly fell almost asleep at corner of room. Also did cortices.
"Milk" - Did cortices/hydration/biochem. Sat in corner without moving. Started licking post session. Also didn't like hands on but appeared more restive?
"Powder" - didn't come into room.
"Pepper" - no difference. More interested in play than reiki. hahaha.

CONCLUSIONS :
*U dun have to feel anything 2b able to reiki.
*Reiki needs to be taught properly for true understanding and use.
*Reiki is "ON" all the time. Atunement is permanent but sensitivity comes with constant practice.
*Listen to your intuition.